Selfish
by Imogine Jean San Luca
Summary: Everyone is selfish.  All Magnus ever wanted was Alec.  And now he has him all to himself.  MALEC.   This is my first MI fic.  Please give whatever thoughts you can, mean or nice.


Selfish

Closed eyes. Slow breaths. Slowly taking in the feeling of the beach around him. Alec considered absently which one was better, looking at the beautiful Caribbean waters around him, or closing his eyes and breathing in the smell of the water. If he kept his eyes closed for long enough, he could almost feel his other senses getting even stronger. The slow pulse of the waves became his own heartbeat, approaching the sand, and then retreating. He could hear the never-ending movements of the waves around him. There was a nice smell that came with it too, not the gross stench he typically associated with fish, but the calm, cooling air of the waters. The very air he breathed into his lungs seemed to calm his body and soul.

Alec couldn't say he wasn't surprised when Magnus had suddenly offered a vacation. He had described in lush detail the beautiful island he had won from a friend while playing poker. If Magnus had told him three years ago, around the same time of year, when they officially became a couple, he would have been shocked. But it fit right in with everything he knew about Magnus now. Alec hadn't been all for letting Magnus have his way, though. He'd argued that he was needed in New York. He and his siblings were the only ones there; he couldn't just leave with his boyfriend because he felt like it. After some time, Magnus had resorted to drastic measures: he had asked Alec's parents if it would be okay. They too had been surprised, but unlike Alec, they agreed with Magnus that Alec deserved some time off. Only after that had Alec consented to the vacation. He talked it over with Magnus, and they agreed on three weeks away. Alec hadn't wanted to go for more than a week, but after arguing for a bit about it, Magnus decided that they should sleep on it. He wasn't sure if it was the sleep that did it, but by next morning, he was sold.

Alec smiled as he remembered just how they'd spent that night. It warmed his heart to think of how close he and Magnus had gotten, though that wasn't to say he hadn't been warm already, lying out in the sun for a couple hours, and only after dousing himself with sunscreen. He opened his eyes now to take in the seeming endless water surrounding his tiny little expanse of beach. The sun was beginning to set, sinking into the horizon. It had slowly turned into a bright orange fireball, the sky around varying from shades of pale pink to violent, bloody red. The sea had been a gorgeous mix of cyan and azure during the day, though it was slowly changing to indigo mixed with violet and iris. It was stunning, though Alec found he was able to appreciate it even more when he had his equally bright and colourful boyfriend with him.

Alec looked around the beach, though he couldn't see Magnus anywhere. He glanced upwards towards the beach house. It was mainly made with stone, though the walls, roof, and ceiling had been covered with varying types of wood to make the place look less… industrial. It helped the person living in it to remember that they weren't, in fact, in a cheap resort. It made the place a real getaway instead. Alec hopped out of the Mayan hammock he had been lying in and loped over to the backdoors of the building. He pushed open the glass doors and walked onto the soft doormat. He looked to his right, the cozy little living room that contained a large couch, loveseat, and CD player, and then to his left, to the kitchen composed of many stainless steel appliances and a bare looking island with a green granite counters. Neither room contained the man Alec was looking for. It was odd, really. The long naps on the beach just before sunset had become a daily part of Alec's day for the past… well, Alec had counted four days in the beginning, but eventually he had just stopped counting. This life was like a dream, and Alec was sure Magnus would wake him from it when their allotted time was up. It wasn't like him to just forget about the passing of time like that, but there was something about this place that fascinated him and held his attention. It was the often the people who worked and studied hardest who were easiest to draw in on a vacation. Magnus had already told him how hard it was gonna be to get back to his normal schedule…

The thoughts of… there… left his mind as he stood in the half open doorway of the bedroom. Magnus lay in bed, lying on his side staring out the window. Alec smiled at the sight of him, and wondered how he had gotten so lucky. He was beautiful, what with his shimmering, glittering skin, his bright eyes… just looking at his face sent both chills and warmth through Alec's body. Alec felt almost a hungry longing as he took in the sight of Magnus' long tanned body, as all he was wearing was a dark pair of jeans that rested wonderfully low on his hips. After a few silent moments of watching Magnus breathing, Alec noticed that Magnus was cradling a cell phone in his hand. That sight seemed to jar Alec from his moment of happiness.

When was he going to call… his family… he hadn't called them in…. at least four days. He had responsibilities… home… Isabelle… Jace… Magnus.

Magnus was here now. There was no need for Alec to think about…

Alec quietly walked into the room and sat down beside Magnus. He gently caressed Magnus' side, starting at his shoulder and making it down to his hip. Magnus didn't react immediately, rather, he closed his eyes, and Alec saw his clench is fist tightly around the cell phone.

Home… NO! He wouldn't forget it again! Why hadn't he called home? His parents were probably worrying about him. He had responsibilities back home. It had to have been more than three weeks by now.

"Alec," a soft voice murmured. Alec looked up from the dark sheets up to Magnus' eyes. He was entranced immediately, but a small voice in the back of his head screamed, _NO! Don't let him charm you into forgetting!_

"How long have we been here, Magnus?" Alec was not going to be shot down from an answer. Magnus blinked at him. A part of Alec knew that it was a second too long for him to be waiting for an answer, but Magnus showed him the phone. On it there was a calendar, clearly showing today to be July 22nd, 2012. It had only been seven days since they left. Alec sighed, letting his relief out. He was actually rather surprised. He had thought they'd been here much longer. They'd spent the days together, on the beach, in the water, and jetting off in Magnus' boat to a nearby island. There were plenty of Downworlders there, Alec had noted. Magnus explained that he was friendly with a lot them, and that spending some time in the sun was great fun for any warlock, werewolf, or fey. Even the vampires came sometimes for a change of scene. Every night they went, Magnus worthy parties were thrown, and Alec was coerced into drinking and dancing. Not that he minded. It was a great way to end the day, and it was really growing on him.

Alec also thought then, _I haven't called my family in a whole week. _Family…

That train of thought was slowly slipping away from Alec. He was left with the gorgeous warlock in front of him. Alec smiled and, after removing his simple white T-shirt, he laid down beside Magnus.

"Why are you in here?" Alec wondered. Magnus shrugged absentmindedly.

"I'm a little tired, I suppose," Magnus said gently. "I want to make sure you see all this place has to offer." Alec kissed his shoulder, knowing that Magnus couldn't see his smile.

"I'm so grateful for you showing me all this. I think I've fallen in love with this place," Alec confessed, then rethought it. "Though, it wouldn't be half as fun without you here with me." Alec gently rubbed Magnus' shoulder. He was rather confused by this silence.

"I'm glad you like it." That was all Magnus had to offer. But Alec wouldn't take that.

He carefully leaned upwards and kissed the tip of Magnus' ear. He placed quick kisses all along it, sometimes letting his tongue flick out, eventually landing at his earlobe. He bit on it, not too hard, and was rewarded with a gasp from his lover. Alec moved onwards, kissing the top of Magnus's neck. He kissed the smooth skin, tasting it every now and then. Alec always loved feeling Magnus' smooth, unmarked skin. Marks… shadowhunter… demons… duties to his family…

Alec hesitated as he kissed Magnus' shoulder, wondering what was going on with him. He couldn't even think about…

It was then Magnus rolled over, lying face to face with Alec, and Alec was lost in those eyes. He smirked, and brought Magnus' lips to his own face. Magnus' seemed only too happy to oblige, kissing back with a feverish passion. Alec wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist. He could almost feel the sparks as their naked chests pressed against each other. It was amazing. After three years with his boyfriend, three years filled with many scenes like this, every moment still got to Alec, shaking him to his core. He could feel the love and passion between them, and he refused to let that go. Lying here, Alec didn't even recognize the boy who had been afraid to proclaim his passion to the world.

Odd. Alec was able to think about his past with Magnus, but as soon as his thoughts drifted…

He was too busy to think about anything else. He had very important matters to deal with at the moment.

The pants had to go.

"You are amazing," Magnus proclaimed about an hour later. The sun outside the window was pretty much gone now, but Alec definitely preferred the darkness.

"Almost as magnificent as you." Magnus smiled down at him.

"I'm sorry for giving you a cold shoulder earlier," he told Alec sincerely.

"That was cold?" Alec said with a raised eyebrow. Magnus smirked as they both recalled the events of the past hour.

"I've been thinking."

"About what?" Magnus turned to look at the ceiling, his eyes and face brooding and pensive. Alec frowned. He had managed to get rid of the pants long ago, and he rubbed his calf against Magnus', honestly worried about his boyfriend. Magnus shrugged again. Alec decided to let it go for now.

"I'm kind of feeling selfish," he told Magnus. Alec had just grasped the thought a minute ago. He had been able to think about his family for more than a second. At those words, Magnus' eyes darted to Alec's face, almost looking nervous. His features froze in that expression.

"Why?" he asked quietly.

"Well, I'm here, having fun and… yeah. And my family's back home working." Magnus' face unfroze, and Magnus rolled his eyes.

"It's called a vacation, darling, not a crime. You're allowed to enjoy yourself," Magnus said seriously. "I bet this is the first real tan you've ever had." Alec chuckled at that, nodding in admittance.

"There really isn't any sun in New York."

"Mm hm." Magnus pulled Alec very close to him, as though he was assuring that every part of their bodies touched. "Besides," he said, wrapping his arms around Alec's hips. "I'm the selfish one."

"No, you're not," Alec scoffed. Magnus shook his head.

"I am," Magnus insisted. "Because I want you all to myself." He pulled Alec in closer – somehow it was possible – and he kissed Alec very deeply. Alec felt the invading tongue in his mouth. He shook his head and pulled back.

"Magnus, you are sure as hell not selfish-"

"Don't bother trying to argue, you won't change my mind about it." Magnus looked at him as though he was considering him. "I never want to give you up. I never want to loose you. There's always going to be just one more minute. I'll always beg, and for some reason, you'll always give in. I don't see that reason. Why do you stay?"

Somewhere in that monologue, Magnus' voice had gone from sure and confident, to panicked and miserable. Alec was thoroughly surprised. Especially that Magnus even had to ask.

"I love you," Alec said, the words coming from the deepest part of his heart. Why Magnus even had to ask him was beyond Alec. He just knew the truth. Magnus kept talking before he could explain himself.

"Don't you ever worry about our future? I'm immortal, but you'll be long gone in forty of fifty years, if you even live that long! This 'love' is doomed." Alec tried to ignore the growing hurt, and to examine how Magnus was telling him this. It was as though Magnus was trying to convince himself of something.

Alec had had enough of it. He sat up and placed one leg on the other side of Magnus' thighs, so that he was sort of sitting on him.

"That's enough," Alec said firmly. "Why are you even asking me these questions? I've told you time and time again how much I love you and need you, and I'm never going to let you go. I… can't even name why I love you, but you have to know that by now, it can never be taken back. I'll love you forever." He kissed Magus then to keep him silent. When he released his boyfriend, he continued. "As for forever, I don't think about it. I don't think about time. I'm thinking about now. This moment, here. For me, it's this that matter the most. This is forever." Alec finished, with feeling in his voice. Passion, to be specific.

Magnus had to know that. Alec had absolutely no idea what was wrong with him tonight, but he refused to let Magnus succumb to these dark thoughts.

Magnus looked him in the eye, and right there, Alec thought he could see right into Magnus' soul. Fear. Strength. Love. Passion. Magnus squeezed his hand, and he nodded.

"I love you, Alec."

There was movement, quick and soft, as the two retreated under the covers. They didn't rush to ravish each other, rather, they took the their time to slowly absorb the other into their own bodies, to forgive each other, and to say once again things that had been said long ago in a happy moment… they loved each other.

"I love you, Magnus."

Isabelle stared at the calendar, not paying much attention to anything else in the dark room. The phone was ringing, but she ignored it. She had circled a date in here a while ago, and she couldn't exactly remember why. Perhaps she had been circling dates in there, not giving it her full attention, and she had circled it without thinking, simply because it was such a significant date. It was the day she had lost Alec.

Not literally, of course. She knew he wasn't dead. Isabelle couldn't explain it; there was a feeling inside of her. She would know if Alec was dead.

No, he hadn't died. He had gone on "vacation". Isabelle scoffed at the words, seeing them for the joke they were. Had Alec meant for this to happen? Had he wanted to leave that much? What had they done to alienate him?

July 15th. That was the day that Alec had left with Magnus for some island in the Caribbean. Isabelle hated to admit it, but she felt an ache whenever she recalled that day.

"_You're so damn lucky,"_ _Isabelle remarked rather sullenly. _

"_Don't get mad at me," Alec had asked. "It was Magnus who convinced Mom and Dad this was a good idea."_

"_And you were so anxious to refuse." Her tone clearly stated that she didn't believe a word of it._

_Alec had given her a sharp look then. "It's just a few weeks away." Isabelle had rolled her eyes at that._

"_Sure, Alec. Okay. You have your fun. Go surfing. Drink some rum. Take Magnus out to the beach one night and-"_

"_Stop it!" Alec looked rather taken aback by her rage, though he couldn't hide the hurt on his face. She had given him a look too, one that clearly said she wasn't in the mood. Alec shook his head, disbelieving. _

"_I'm sorry if wanting a bit of time off offends you," said Alec. "I didn't realize I had to consult you first." He picked up his bags and headed for the door. "You know what," he continued, really angry with her now. This hadn't been her first attack. "If you insist, then fine. I'll drink some rum and do it on the beach while you spend your summer in the ranking city, working."_

"_Fuck you!" Isabelle had cried at him while he walked off._

Isabelle shook her head as she recalled that memory. Why she had been so mad… it just seemed petty now. She hated herself for saying it. But, it had been honest. If she'd known what he intended to do, she would've been furious. She'd had every right to be mad at him.

Isabelle had always wondered what would have happened that day if she'd been reasonable and nice. She could've at least been a little nice to her brother. Or she couldn't have. GAH! She didn't know. She'd never been able to answer that question.

Forty-five years. And she hadn't been able to answer that question.

It didn't matter. There were so many questions Alec had left unanswered. Why he wanted to leave? Why had he left in the first place? It shook Isabelle to the core, not being able to answer these questions, and knowing that she'd never know the answer. Yes, she'd hit rock bottom.

About twenty years ago, she realized. Alec was never coming back. For whatever reason, Alec would never come back to them. It broke her heart, but she'd accepted the truth. She'd been the only one to think that. Mom and Dad never stopped hoping. They spent every day praying he would come home. They went to their graves praying that their only son would return to them. It crushed them, always waiting. They had slowly lost all grandeur, as they never stopped believing that Alec would return.

They'd searched. They'd hired other warlocks, convinced other shadowhunters; hell, they'd even gone down to the Caribbean themselves to try and find Alec. But it was hopeless. Alec was gone. Isabelle had wondered at the time if the lovebirds had even gone to the Caribbean. She wasn't even sure if she believed it.

_Damn it, Alec_.

Tears were rising to her eyes. No, she wouldn't cry… over… Alec. Not again.

It was hopeless. Within moments, she, Isabelle Lightwood, was sobbing. She cried for her brother, who'd left her alone, the sole Lightwood child. She cried for having left him with only her bitter words. She cried for knowing that Jace had never really gotten over his parabatai leaving him. She cried for every time her parents had told her they had a lead to where Alec was. She cried for her parents, who were gone, and who would never see their son again.

It hurt so much. WHY DID IT HAVE TO HURT? DAMN YOU, ALEC!

She screamed and sobbed. The pain was never going to end. She felt the familiar oncoming of a great pain. She had grown so used to it…

She had spent almost her entire life praying that Alec would come back home to his family. And she was going to die praying, just like her parents.

And she sobbed and screamed. Again. Again. Again. Because Alec was gone forever.

Isabelle was too far-gone when she heard the answering machine pick up a voicemail.

"Isabelle? It's Magnus. I am so, so sorry."

For Alec was right. And only Magnus knew the truth in that. This was forever. For the rest of eternity, he and Alec would be vacationing together on their Caribbean island. Alec would eventually stop thinking about his family and his past. Because of Magnus, Alec would always gain these random breakthroughs, and he would ask Magnus how long they had been here. It would always be one week, and Alec would always accept it.

Magnus had assured this. His own island… ha. He had made a deal, possibly with the Devil. He had agreed that he and Alec would get to spend forever on this island, completely ignorant of time and the outside world. If Alec ever broke out, he could go on. Magnus never could. His part of the bargain had been simple, but powerful. He could never leave this world ever again. Sure, he could hop from island to island, but he could never go back. He would never see New York again. When Alec did realize what Magnus had done, he would want to leave, and he would. Alec would leave Magnus, and Magnus would be forced to spend every day for the rest of time alone, on his island.

But these thoughts were too dark. He had Alec for now. Tonight had been a major crack in Magnus' confidence, and he knew it. He also knew that he couldn't let it happen again. He had Alec to himself now. And he wouldn't let Alec go. Not willingly.

Because he wanted Alec all to himself. Because he was selfish.

THE END

AN: God. I hurt myself writing that. I know it sounds pathetic, but I did. Holy shit. I'm sorry, but I'm reeling right now. I didn't know I had it in me. This idea came to me when I saw another fanfic involving a vacation. The thing is, whenever I write something, a part of my brain immediately wants to go for the tragic. I definitely sort of killed the love scene. I'm sorry if I'm rambling.

This is my first Malec fic. In fact, it's my first MI fic. Whaddaya think?

If songs really matter, I pretty much wrote it with this on loop: Las de la Intuicion by Shakira and Airplanes by B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams.

Yep. Again, I'm sorry. If it helps, this was pretty much a product of snorting… Crystal Light. That water flavouring drink is ridiculously strong without the water, and I accidentally breathed a bit in.

Please try to give constructive criticism. It really helps as a writer.

Thank you for reading.

UPDATE: What if I continued this? Should I leave it all supposed glory? Or should I add onto it, maybe Alec finally waking up? I have ideas, but I sometimes think that I like to do that too much. Half of me is saying: Just leave it. The other half is saying: Keep going! Something else can happen! So if anyone would be interested in that, shout out.

ANOTHER UPDATE: I'm starting up a sequel. So far it's called Pointless. I'm still not sure whether or not to go ahead, so give me a shout out. I'd rather learn to hula than write this for nothing.


End file.
